We all need to be cared for and to care for others
Written by Cindy Palin
I remember meeting an old farmer with a windworn face and calloused hands. I met him in his home as he neared the end of his life surrounded by his family. Their attentiveness made me wonder if there was a strong spiritual component to their lives.
Sure enough, when the conversation came around to the reality he didn’t have long to live, I asked if he had a faith. He smiled through his bandages and nodded. “I’m going to my Father,” he said.
“Would you like to pray?” I asked. He reached over with his calloused hands and swallowed up mine and we bowed our heads. We all prayed together, for God to give us strength at this challenging time, for peace and pain relief, for God to comfort his family, and to prepare him for eternity.
As I cautiously steered my little car homeward down dusty roads, my soul was doing cartwheels. I had gone to offer hospice services to a dying man, and he had given me a new lease on life. I had gone to comfort him and his family, and he comforted me with biblical truths and heavenly assurance.
Hospice care work is also where I first began to understand what palliative care is. It’s a long term care strategy implemented at the diagnostic stage and carried through to the end of one’s life. It ensures that as a patient’s health trajectory changes, their quality of life remains as high as possible. Unfortunately, many people wait far too long to seek out this kind of care, and they miss out on the advantage it can have.
Many people don’t know much about palliative care, and the same is true of spiritual care. I define spiritual care as building relationships, learning others’ core values, and celebrating individuals through meaningful conversations and activities. Spiritual care is not something you should leave for your last months here on earth. We need it over our entire lives.
Spiritual care is not something you should leave for your last months here on earth. We need it over our entire lives.
Hospice clients who have a healthy attitude toward life and death are usually people like that farmer who have been practising spiritual care for a long time. A recent scholarly analysis of hundreds of studies found people who have attended religious services long-term usually have healthier physical and spiritual outcomes even when diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Not all-religious activity is done in a church, but continuous spiritual nurturing helps us in our daily living and can prepare us for death and what is yet to come. It’s amazing to think how something like childhood Sunday school can make our Golden Years better.
Conversations about life and death arise from many Sunday school stories, and I remember singing and praying about such topics since I was very young. In Sunday school we learned we are both physical and spiritual creatures. We learned how to ask God questions and ponder eternity. We grasped that life on Earth is finite, and therefore we considered the importance of how we spend our time here.
To have these kinds of discussions outside Sunday school between adults is both tricky and very important. Frankly, we are all going to die sometime. We need to have these conversations. But are we able to identify our core values and talk about them? Many people fear spiritual discussion may cause offense.
Thankfully there are tools for offering spiritual care that help us avoid getting stuck on our own spiritual agenda. Simply by getting to know a person’s story will help us know what topics to embrace and avoid. As we listen to their story, we can affirm their gifts and accomplishments. This underlines their meaning and purpose—not just in the past but in the present as well. Past experiences have much to teach us for our days to come.
Recalling these meaningful memories as part of good spiritual care can be a life and death matter. I’m thinking of euthanasia, called medical assistance in dying here in Canada. Government reports show the highest percentage of those choosing MAiD do so out of a lack of meaning and purpose. It’s not for pain management as many assume.
As people grow older and become more dependent, they feel like they are burdens. Building relationships and nurturing meaningful spiritual discussions is a matter of life and death and can alleviate those burdensome lies.
And it’s not only good for those who are dying. That farmer blessed me more than I blessed him. As we offer spiritual care, we receive spiritual encouragement. Caring for someone can end up bringing us surprising benefits we never even knew existed.
Cindy Palin is a wife, mother, and grandmother living in Olds, Alta. An author and musician, she is an advocate for youth and those who are aging. She is currently pursuing her chaplaincy certification.