Tips for healthier, more human interactions online
Written by Meisha Watson
I’ve spent the last two years interviewing Christian singles on my podcast My Single Story, hosting singles mixers, and having spontaneous conversations at events across Canada. During Covid, online dating saw a big uptick, but that surge has been followed by a rise in fatigue and disenchantment with dating apps.
Sure, there are some cute stories of couples finding a great partner and getting married. But dating apps also bring with them a host of other issues. Ghosting, an endless stream of profiles leading to swipe-fatigue, a lack of genuine Christian matches, and now the rise of AI has introduced new concerns about falling for an AI catfish. Ugh! Can you imagine that?!
Another common issue is dating app burnout, or a decline in enthusiasm and motivation to engage with dating apps, often resulting from lazy interactions, ghosting, and unrealistic expectations.
So how can we approach online dating in a healthier way? The best advice I ever received about dating apps was to be intentional and set up boundaries. Here are some ways I’m learning to put this advice into practice.
1. Pray first
Before you dive into swiping, say a short prayer to search more intentionally for someone you’d like to meet, rather than just seeking a quick compliment or an instant pick-me-up.
2. Be up front about your faith, but keep it simple
As Christians, we are called to date someone who shares our faith. Clearly mention your faith on your profile but stay away from harsh statements like “I’m looking for a Christian—don’t bother me if you’re not.” (I just saw this one yesterday.)
Instead, consider using gentle mentions like: “My type is…a guy who loves Jesus.” “Jesus is my everything, looking for someone who feels the same.” “My typical Sunday is…church, brunch, and a campfire with friends.”
Remember: Your profile could be the first interaction someone has with a Christian. You might not want to date them, but your profile shouldn’t scare them away from interacting with you IRL.
3. Take a break
Spending hours swiping on any app isn’t great for your mental health but spending hours judging people’s looks, hobbies, and grammar can usher you right into your judgmental era. Take breaks and focus on quality interactions over quantity. Limiting yourself to a small number of swipes each time can help you be more intentional. (My limit right now is 20, which has been working for me.)
4. Get to the conversation
Now, you’ve finally chosen someone to engage with, and hooray you’ve got a match—your next goal is to have a real conversation. Avoiding burnout requires intentionality, authenticity, and engagement. You don’t need to go on an in-person date right away—personally I prefer starting with a video chat or phone call. However, finding a way to connect directly humanizes the interaction.
If you’ve had that conversation and would prefer not to move forward, be kind, clear, and honest. At the very least, don’t disappear from the app and move on. Silence is not kindness.
5. Have fun
Positivity is attractive. Keep your profile and messages upbeat and avoid negativity. A positive outlook can draw others to you and create more pleasant interactions. Text messages to strangers can quickly become monotonous. So, get your deal breakers out of the way and then keep it light. Stay curious and enjoy the adventure of getting to know someone you might have never come across in your day-to-day life.
Dating apps are a means to new friends. Whether you discover a girlfriend, boyfriend, a “we-went-out-on-a-date-once” friend, or a friend you might never see again, each person is a wonderful image bearer who has a full story all their own. Social media interactions can make it easier to flatten other people’s humanity; choosing to remain gracious and genuine yourself can help resist this tendency.
6. Alternatives to dating apps
Meet-ups are popping up all over the country, so if you’re looking for an in-person experience, you could try getting connected with singles in your town. If you can’t find someone who’s leading a meet-up group, you could always try starting your own!
What’s next
I know firsthand that single life can be epic at the best of times and heartbreaking at worst. At the time of writing this article, I will have been single for five years and every year I pray that my dream of serving God with the love of my life will come into fruition.
It’s tempting to want to fill the silence with oversimplified messages like “It’ll happen when you least expect it” or “He’ll come along the moment you stop thinking about it.” But we all know such responses are unhelpful and downright annoying.
Instead, let’s practise listening well. And let’s be communities that offer welcome and a safe place to share all our disappointments and dreams. Let’s make it commonplace to admit that we don’t all have it figured out—whether we’re married, single, or dating.
Meisha Watson is a creative professional with over a decade of experience in hosting, public speaking, production, coaching, and writing. You can catch her on her podcast My Single Story or follow her on her Instagram.